“They go from strength to strength.” –Psalm 84:7

There are various renderings of these words, but all of them contain the idea of progress. “They go from strength to strength.” That is, they grow stronger and stronger. Usually, if we are walking we go from strength to weakness; we start fresh and in good order for our journey, but by and by the road is rough, and the sun is hot; so we sit down by the wayside and then resume our weary way. But the Christian pilgrim, having obtained fresh supplies of grace is as vigorous after years of weary travel and struggle as when he first set out….But sadly, it must be confessed it is often otherwise…Fearful spirits sit down and trouble themselves about the future. “Unfortunately,” they say, “we go from affliction to affliction.” Very true, O you of little faith; but you go from strength to strength also. You will never find a bundle of affliction that does not have in it somewhere sufficient grace.

Unlike the Christian pilgrim described in Spurgeon’s text, I am weary of the trials my family experienced this past year. I have begun to focus on my afflictions rather then point out God’s graces in my life. How easy it is to forget, even in the happiest season of our Savior’s birth, the wondrous gift we’ve been given. My gaze is continually drawn to the uncertainties tomorrow brings. Doubt sinks in and makes it harder to trust God. But my troubles today will be but a whisper in the days to come. The Lord keeps reminding me that He is good even in hard times. God has blessed me in so many ways. I have a wonderful job and I love my co-workers. I have a loving family, a peaceful home, and dear friends. Rather than trouble myself about the future I pray that this coming New Year I will go from strength to strength. I will only grow weaker if I continue to rely on myself alone. Strength can only be found in supplies of grace provided by our merciful Savior. His grace is sufficient and He is all I’ll ever need. I hope to be refreshed and in good order for this coming New Year.

Quote of the Month

"I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on Earth, good will to men

And thought how as the day had come
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on Earth, good will to men
I can hear them

And in despair I bowed my head
“There is no peace on Earth” I said
For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on Earth, good will to men

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep
God is not dead nor does He sleep
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on Earth, good will to men."
~I Heard The Bells

What I’ve been listening to lately

"Music Tuesdays" are my favorite days to go on Youtube. I’m always discovering new music artists with incredible and diverse talents. One of my favorites is Zee Avi.

“Zee Avi is just 23 but she’s an old soul. A huge talent in a petite frame bringing a universal message from the unlikely birthplace of Borneo, an ancient island east of Malaysia which remains an untouched, natural paradise, an apt description of her songs.”

Kantoi (a song Avi sings in “Manglish”) conveys her unique use of self-expression linguistically. Her music is a combination of classic sounds like Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Peggy Lee and Doris Day. Instruments such as the ukelele, the trumpet and the guitar add a vintage flair to her songs style. She is great to listen to on a rainy day.

Zee Avi is unique in her pursuit of fame. Most of her original videos recorded on Youtube were angled so that her face remained hidden. “It’s because I would like viewers to focus more on the songs…” she says.

You can read more about her on her website:
http://www.zeeavi.com/

Check out her music on Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/user/kokokaina?blend=1&ob=4

The Dream in the Drawer

The Dream in the Drawer
by Brianna Anderson

"They were allowed to dream once,
For a time reality was bliss.
But hardship came
And everything had gone amiss.

They traveled so far to get there;
Sacrificed much for the dream.
But God had another plan it seemed.

So father put away the dream;
Kept it safe in a drawer.
He opened it at times,
But everyday it grew harder to ignore.

If they never knew what it was like
For their dreams to come true,
Would they never miss them?
Now that they are through?

Even if this pain and regret lasts,
Till they are sorely shaken,
And hard times do not pass.
Perhaps it was worth it after all,
To experience the dream for a short time;
Than not at all.

The drawer is closed,
And now a new dream must begin.
God is still good; He is our hope and has always been.

Although we cannot see it anymore,
He has a better dream in mind,
Then the one we’ve put away in the drawer."

"Your father...has made many sacrifices for his family and put away many dreams...He put them in a drawer. And sometimes, late at night, he takes them out and admires them. But it gets harder and harder to close the drawer..." ~Peter Pan

Quote of the Month

The morns are meeker than they were,
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town.
The maple wears a gayer scarf,
The field a scarlet gown.
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put a trinket on.
~Emily Dickinson

Are people born wicked?

Are people born wicked? Or do they have wickedness thrust upon them? Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein goes on to pursue this philosophical question regarding the nature of man. The story recounts the gruesome events in the life of Dr. Victor Frankenstein. After much studying, Dr. Frankenstein attempts to recreate life by combining the severed parts of corpses. He successfully manages to bring his creation to life but flees because of its hideousness.

Throughout the story the creature attempts to prove to himself and his creator, that he is not evil. He chops firewood for a family and saves a young woman from drowning. But despite his heroic attempts, he is rejected because of his ugly face. “No mortal could support the horror of that countenance. A mummy again endued with animation could not be so hideous as that wretch.” The creature is continually persecuted by men. This causes him to hate all of mankind. Frankenstein’s creation started out as a “good” thing, innocent of evil, but because of society’s rejection of his appearance; he became a monster.

Years later after the publication of Frankenstein another novel was published striving to answer the same question of the nature of man. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson is the story about a scientist who is able to create a potion that brings out the evil side of his nature. “Hence although I had now two characters as well as two appearances, one was wholly evil and the other was still the old Henry Jekyll.” The story shows the struggle between Dr. Jekyll and his evil self Mr. Hyde. The doctor ends up being unable to escape Hyde and eventually commits suicide.

Unlike the monster describe by Mary Shelley, Mr. Hyde is the alternate side of Dr. Jekyll. The doctor is a highly respected man and Hyde is feared by society. Although these characters are two different men in appearances, they are one in the same; one being altogether good and the other altogether evil. “Man is not truly one, but truly two.”

Is the creature of Frankenstein and Mr. Hyde so very different? They are both ugly in countenance and feared by society. They are murderers and creatures created by scientists. These two characters are both described in physical appearances that correspond with their morality. But the morality defined through these characters goes on to portray two very different concepts about man’s inner nature.

The philosophy presented in Frankenstein allows man to blame others for his evil behavior. But Robert Louis Stevenson defined man’s morality by attributing it to his own nature. Frankenstein’s monster is evil by circumstance, while Dr. Jekyll’s monster is evil by nature. Mary Shelley and Robert Louis Stevenson attempted to describe evil both in physical descriptions and metaphorical examples. But Mary Shelley looked only on the surface of man and failed to see the monster within.

Writers as well as scientists and philosophers have striven to explain the nature of man. But it always comes down to two conclusions. Evil is either an impact from the world or an issue from within. Man is either a monster like that of Frankenstein or Mr. Hyde.

The bewitching topic of Vampires

The phenomenon of Twilight has left fans everywhere “vampire crazed”. The morbid yet romantic tale of a vampire restraining his monster-like instincts in attempts to become more human, has captured the hearts of many young girls around the world. But before Stephenie Meyer’s novels became popular, another New York Times Best-Seller called The Vampire Diaries had topped the boards nearly 14 years before. Today it’s the CW’s newest drama based on the series written by L.J Smith.

Paul Wesley (who plays Stefan the vampire) comments that although the show is being criticized as a Twilight spin-off, the two are not as similar as you would think. "They have vampires and high school romance in common, but that's about it."

That being said, the books do have similar plots but the characters are slightly different. In Twilight Bella is just an average girl. In The Vampire Diaries Elena is one of the most popular girls in school. Both girls have crushes on a vampire. Stefan and Edward (the vampire dudes) do not drink human blood.

Stephenie Meyers admitted that she never read The Vampire Diaries while writing Twilight. So it is obvious that neither of the authors intended to copy one another. I think it is safe to say that the similarities are just a coincidence.

And as if we didn’t have enough vampire stories in the world already, another series has come to the screen in the new movie The Vampire’s Assistant in theaters October 23.

“The Vampire's Assistant tells the frightening tale of a boy who unknowingly breaks a 200-year-old truce between two warring factions of vampires. Pulled into a fantastic life of misunderstood sideshow freaks and grotesque creatures of the night, one teen will vanish from the safety of a boring existence and fulfill his destiny in a place drawn from nightmares.”
--© Universal


Which one is better? Read the books, watch the movies, watch the TV show, and vote for your favorites…

On the day of the SAT

It was nineteen degrees outside as she got into the defrosting car. The air was so cold she could see her breath coming out in little white puffs of air. She coughed into her cold hands and sighed sadly. A severe chest cold took hold of her the week before and she was still recovering. But she felt confident enough to still go through with the test. She entered the school doors; arms overflowing with the necessary equipment:
Two No. 2 pencils…check!
Scientific calculator…check!
Admission ticket…check!

The classroom was filled with nearly fifty other students from various schools around the county. They spoke loudly with one another. The girls hugged each other and laughed together; their cares seemingly far away. Finally the time had come. The students were ushered into a small library. When they took their seats they glanced down at the daunting test booklets laid out before them. The once happy faces were now stricken with fear.

The proctor (who was in her late sixties) made it apparent almost as soon as the students entered the room that she did NOT like teenagers. Her voice, shrill and witch-like, pierced through the noisy chatter: “No talking!” A hush fell over the room almost instantly. She explained the test rules as if speaking to juvenile delinquents. A few of the cockier students chuckled at her demeanor but the rest folded their hands on their desks like good little children.

The timer was set and the testing began! Three hours had been laid aside to quiz the students with confusing multiple questions and impossible math equations.

The Reading Comprehension was helpful with its overly vague questions like this one:

In Lines 17-39 (depicting…humbling), did the author mean:
a) obnoxious
b) he wanted to eat ice cream
c) his mother and father didn’t approve of his relationship with her
d) the title of this section should be…

Other sections were just as puzzling. They had five minute breaks every two sections. Their proctor shouted at them during the breaks reminding them of ridiculous rules: “Don’t talk with each other! No water bottles in the testing room! Your scores will be canceled if you have any answers written inside any food wrappers or bottle labels!” Bathroom breaks were extremely short and "taking a breather" was nearly unacceptable. But soon they all returned to their seats and began testing once more.

“You have five minutes!” shouted the proctor. She startled some of the students out of their chairs. Three hours seemed more like days but now there was just five more minutes. The old crone paraded around their tables watching their every move. Suddenly her stopwatch beeped softly. It could barely be heard at first. The students raised their heads and looked at their jailer through bloodshot eyes. She gave them a curt nod of the head, announcing wordlessly that it was all over. The students gathered up their pencils and calculators and nearly ran outside the classroom; they were so relieved. No more studying, no more practice tests, no more filling in the circles on the answer sheets; the test was over and they were free!

The girl from the beginning of our story finished her test on time. She coughed only once during the test. Her nose had stopped running and she was actually feeling better. Her head however, was swimming with evaluations and although she couldn’t see straight, a sudden calm overtook her. Whether or not her scores were good or bad she had done her best. And knowing that made her feel just fine.

Quote Of the Month

It being one of the principles of the Circumlocution Office never, on any account whatever, to give a straightforward answer, Mr Barnacle said, 'Possibly.'

Little Dorrit ~Charles Dickens

Everything You Need to Know About Moving

I think this could become the new highly anticipated title on The New York Times Best-Seller List. My family has moved so many times that we could write a “how-to book” on moving.

The Back Cover would say: “We never planned to move so many times. But whether it’s flooding problems, crazy neighbors, or stubborn landlords; no matter how much we grow attach to each house; the Lord seems to have a different location in mind.”


The Table of Contents would look something like this:

How to Move & Keep Your Friends
Two Weeks Notice: moving in record time
Organize Your Life
The Better Boxes
Save on Bubble Wrap: use your clothes instead
Helpful Taping Tips
Household Nightmares
Home Is Where You Hang Your Hat

This “How-to” book not only provides you with helpful hints about moving, but it is also an encouragement to families everywhere who have moved countless times.

And yes, its true folks we are moving again this weekend…

Jane Austen Ruined My Life

"Professor Emma Grant has always had faith in the happily-ever-after depicted by her favorite author, Jane Austen. But where's Emma's happy ending when she discovers that, instead of a Darcy, she's married a Wickham who both breaks her heart and destroys her career? Emma sets off for England on a quest to reestablish her academic credibility by tracking down the lost letters of Jane Austen and finds a romantic adventure of her own." --Library Journal


The title of this book is a bit silly, but it was actually very entertaining. I was a little disappointed with how corny it got…still; it made several good points about Jane Austen’s writings. Many of us devotees are absorbed with the romance depicted in these novels; the language, the culture, even the clothes. And like the character Emma Grant in Jane Austen Ruined My Life, Austen fans are disappointed when they don’t end up in a happily-ever-after relationship.

I can never watch a romantic movie without either of my parents commenting how “men don’t really talk that way!” It’s true that in order to get a man like Mr. Darcy or Knightly, you have to make him up. Girls my age fanaticize over these characters. After watching the movies and reading the books, I admit I dreamed about romantic proposals and fervent courtships. But setting the standards high in hopes of getting a man like Mr. Darcy, is perhaps a bit unrealistic. I can’t honestly expect a guy from the 21st century to speak, act, and think like an Austen man.

Jane Austen’s characters are timeless and there is wisdom in her writings. She believed in marrying for love. But if you expect romance to be exactly like something out of a novel, then you are sure to be disappointed. Whether or not a man behaves romantically is not the issue, Jane Austen urges her readers to look past charm and wit and focus on good character. But I won’t analyze her novels too much… after all “the person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”~Jane Austen

Matchmaker, matchmaker

This past Sunday I saw Topol in the "Fiddler on the Roof" goodbye tour. The music was amazing, oh and the story! It was a wonderful. Afterward I was inspired to write this poem...I hope you all like it.

“Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Send me a man of good character,

A strong leader,
In good times and bad.
A man who loves the Lord (above all else),
Yes, that would make me glad.

If he were gentle and kind,
And passionate in faith.
I hope one day I’ll find,
He’ll love me always.

And by heavens design,
Be forever true.”

~Brianna Anderson


♪So bring me no ring, groom me no groom, find me no find, catch me no catch, unless he's a matchless match♫

Music in the Park

Tonight the Spokane Symphony played in the park. Our family packed up a few blankets and treats and sat amongst a couple hundred people gathered to hear the orchestra. As the familiar notes rose in the air I closed my eyes as the music flowed around me. I love classical music because it tells a story even without words. Each note has something to say. Each instrument adds its own voice to the song. I love watching the musicians faces as they close their eyes, giving themselves up to the music. Others stare hard in concentration at the intricate sheet music in front of them. The conductor of course is the best because he is so passionate. The conductor seemed more and more out of breath as he introduced each song before it was played. All in all it was a most pleasant evening.

The famous Empiricist David Hume once asked: “Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is impotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? When then is evil.”

Charles Spurgeon commented that: “It is contrary to every promise of God’s precious Word that you would ever be forgotten or left to perish.” (i) But many would argue that God’s promises account for nothing because of the evil that takes place in this world. Why do terrible things happen to innocent people? Why are they not protected by God? The best answer to this question is found in the book of Job.

Job was “blameless and upright”(ii) in God’s sight. He was unlike any man because of his unshakable faith. But God allowed Satan to test Job by causing him to suffer. Job experienced unimaginable pain but he did not accuse God of wrongdoing. God allowed Job’s torment to increase to the point where his children were killed.

The hardest thing to comprehend in this story is that there is no justifiable reason for Job’s suffering. When he cried out for an explanation and God replied: “Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand (iii)… Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place?(iv) …Everything under heaven belongs to me.(v)”

God is all knowing and he understands ultimate suffering. There was nothing that Job experienced that He did not know about. In the end Job declares: “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted…. Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.” (vi)

“Things too wonderful to know”…these are the words of a man who had suffered so much, physically, mentally and emotionally, and yet he was in wonder of God’s sovereignty. Job finally realized that nothing was outside of God’s control. And that no matter how much he suffered God was there throughout it all. Herein lies our hope! God is the only solution to afflictions. There is a day coming when God will wipe away all our tears and bring us to a better place. And that will be the day when ALL suffering will cease.
__________________________________________________

The unemployment rate in the United States is 9.7%. (vii) Nearly 87,000 Californians lost their jobs in July, 2009. (viii) The 11.9% unemployment rate in California is the highest ever recorded. Twenty-five United States banks have failed this year alone, including Washington Mutual. (ix) The United States’ failing economy is affecting everyone. Recently my dad lost his job. Suffering can visit us in many forms, even financially; but I know that God is Sovereign and therefore my hope is in Him.

“…you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”
~1 Peter 1:6-9

(i)Morning & Evening June 16th
(ii)Job 1:8
(iii)Job 38:4
(iv)Job 41:11
(v)Job 42:2,3
(vii)Source: U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics
(viii)http://www.examiner.com/x-4577-Milwaukee-Unemployment-Examiner~y2009m8d26-Jobless-rate-climbs-over-10-in-15-states
(ix)http://www.fdic.gov/bank/individual/failed/banklist.html

Fiction Fridays

(a continuation from last week...)

I was cuddling peacefully in my chamber when a sudden burst of noise blasted me. I could not hear Her voice. Why couldn’t I hear Her voice? The noise grew louder as I heard a voice from the outside say: “suction”. What did that mean? I began to grow scared. Soon the sound was all I could hear, and it was closer. I could sense it. It was too loud! It began to hurt. I thrashed about and tried to move as much as I could within my chamber. Oh! If only I could speak. Then She would be able to hear me. She would listen I know She would! I thought one thing over and over again, hoping She would hear: Mommy!!!

The doctor had me lie down as she turned on the machine. She assured me that the procedure would be quick, fifteen minutes or less. I would be a little uncomfortable and then that would be it. I tried reassuring myself mentally, but something felt wrong. The machine echoed in my ears as the doctor came closer. Time stood still as she began to make the preparations. Sweat beaded down my forehead. My breathing became labored and my legs began to tremble. I clenched my teeth as I tried to remain calm. Breathe…just breathe… I looked over at the doctor as she came closer. She put her hands on my arms steadying me. I hadn’t realized I was shaking so badly. The machine’s noise caught my attention. I tried focusing on something else but I stared at it fearfully. My heart beat grew faster and faster until it was the only thing I could hear. I put my hands over my ears to muffle the noise. It was too much! I didn’t want to listen anymore. I wanted this to be over with. Suddenly everything around me went fuzzy. I put a hand to my head and closed my eyes.

When I opened them again I was alone. I looked around me not believing what I was seeing. A full length mirror hung on the wall next to me. I gasped when I saw my flat stomach. The only reasonable conclusion I could come up with was that I had fainted during the procedure. I looked in the mirror again. It was gone! I sighed heavily. But had I made the right choice? I waited for my mind to tell me everything would be alright now. But I heard nothing. My face was pale and my stomach seemed empty now. I had just gotten used to the idea of being pregnant, that was all. My stomach would feel normal after a little while.

And then I heard it, faintly at first; “Don’t do this!”

“I didn’t have a choice. Besides, you aren’t there anymore.”

“But I am here! Can’t you feel me?”

I looked down at my stomach, “No, because you aren’t there. You weren’t living yet anyway.”

“But I AM. I am growing inside of you. How could I grow if I’m not living?”

“Leave me be.”

I realized how ridiculous I must sound, talking to myself. There was no one there. It went quiet again as I headed towards the door.

But the voice grew louder this time: “But it hurts.”

“It is done!” I shouted.

“Please!”

Tears rolled down my face, as I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Hear me!”

My eyes snapped open. The doctor looked at me anxiously. I quickly glanced down at my stomach. It was big again, the baby was still there. I shook my head as I realized now that this was no dream. Something inside me screamed: “Stop!!!”

After recovering from my sudden outburst the doctor spoke softly, “Are you sure?”

Was I? It took me a moment to get back to reality. Suddenly I felt the baby move. This was the first time I had felt it. I realized now that something was living inside me. And I couldn’t kill it. Not now. Not ever! I quietly thanked the doctor and left the hospital without looking back.

The noise had stopped. She was upset, I could tell. But somehow I felt relieved. Something had changed. Her emotions surged through me. She knew that I existed. She had listened…I was safe.

I ran into my room and flopped onto my bed. Face down; I hit the bedspread with my fists. I had never been so scared. Without warning the baby moved. I sat up quickly and put my hand to my stomach. There it was again, a little bump underneath my fingers. As I felt around the area more carefully the cold hard truth hit me. Was it a hand, a foot maybe? I trembled as I realized what I had almost done. I knew now, that I had to tell someone.

The conversation with my parents was the longest conversation we had since “the talk”. When I told them that I was going to keep the baby they both went quite again. They told me to think it over. And so I did. I continued life normally as the baby grew inside me. I went to school just like every other day. Every one had heard the rumors. I was humiliated when I went back to school. It wasn’t that I was verbally abused, but the look in their eyes as I passed them, was enough to send me home. But I knew that I could not go back to that clinic. No fear would ever be as bad as that. I attended my classes as if nothing had changed. But the one person who I dreaded telling was him.

I called my boyfriend as soon as I got home from school. He had been told by his friends and was anxious to see me. My stomach was the first thing he looked at. I immediately burst into tears. I hadn’t wanted him to find out this way. I felt guilty. He held me while I explained everything that had happened. After I had a good cry he spoke. He was more supportive then I had imagined. We talked for hours about the future. He told me that the decision was up to me. When I told him I wanted to keep the baby, he promised to be involved regularly. And most of all he still loved me!

My chamber seems smaller. I have grown so much since I remember hearing Her voice for the first time. The atmosphere around me has changed, I can feel it. I heard a new voice today. His voice is much deeper then Hers. It is also soothing. And again I feel a connection with this voice. Sometimes I sense Him close to my chamber. He does something that I have heard Her call “singing”.

It had almost been nine months. I felt terrible and looked it too. But I felt an overwhelming peace about my pregnancy. I look back on my experience in the abortion clinic, and thank God every day that I kept my baby. My thoughts have turned to God a lot lately. After all that I’ve been through, it is hard to think that this world was made just by chance. My baby is living proof of that. His complex design points to a creator. I can’t help but wonder if the voice that I heard in the clinic was really God’s; urging me to look outside of myself and see His wonders. No matter how hard I tried, I could not escape the fact, regardless if he was breathing or not, my baby was living inside of me. This realization has brought me to deeper understanding of life. I know now, that there is a God and that He saved my life and my baby’s.

I do not know what happened to change Her mind. That day while She was about to have me aborted, I was so scared. I felt helpless. I still cannot speak. But I know now that She can hear me…that She loves me…I’m positive.

THE END

A Note to the Reader

Adolph Hitler once said: “It matters not whether these weapons of ours are humane: if they gain us our freedom, they are justified before our conscience and before our God.” (i) Hitler could not have been farther from the truth. The value of life is altogether precious to God. Abortion cannot be justified as humane, by the preservation of one life, while the other is destroyed. Fetus, embryo, call them whatever name you wish, but they are human and are therefore children of God. They must have a voice. We are their voice.

(i) http://quotations.about.com/od/morepeople/a/Hitler1.htm

Fiction Fridays...

Last year I entered a short story contest for Patrick Henry College. At the time I didn’t have any short stories written (most of mine were at least 40 pages long); so I started one from scratch. Participants in my age group wrote stories with the theme “Joy in Pain.” Unfortunately I didn’t win the contest, but it was still exciting getting my material out there for others to read. I’m hoping to enter a few more contests this summer. Most likely I will re-enter this particular story because its one of my best…

Their Voice

by Brianna Anderson

Positive. I couldn’t believe the words right in front of me. I fumbled through the bathroom cupboard as I searched franticly for the box. I re-read the instructions, sure that I had missed something. Had I waited long enough? I decided to take another test. This time I waited longer. I took the test in both hands, cradling it as I looked down at the small window once more. Positive. There was no denying now that it was true. I buried my face in my hands and cried. What was I going to do? I squirmed at the thought of a “thing” living inside me. This was senior year; this was supposed to be the greatest year of my life! There was no way I could fit a baby in between prom and graduation. How was I going to tell anyone about this? My parents would have to support me. Wasn’t that what parents were for? Or would they be too embarrassed? What if they sent me away! Well, maybe they wouldn’t. But they could never look at me the same way. Not after having to bear the shame of my pregnancy. My soul would be forever marked with the black stain of my actions. If anyone at school found out, I would be gossiped about for eternity. I needed help. But what could I do? It would be better not to tell my parents, I concluded. This just needed to go away. I couldn’t possibly deal with it just right now. My whole body shook as I trembled and sobbed. I was trapped, and there was no way out.

A loud rumbling woke me up. I do not remember how long I had been awake, or alive for that matter. But something around me was shaking, and I could not help feeling sorry. Something around me was sad. But the space that surrounded me felt safe and comforting. A sound echoed off the walls of my chamber as I listened contently. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

I looked in the mirror for the millionth time that day. I had seen a doctor “quietly” and he confirmed my pregnancy. I was already two months pregnant. My stomach was still flat but it wouldn’t be for much longer. Out of precaution I wore layers to hide any shape underneath. I ran every morning hoping to loose as much weight as possible to hide my condition. But how much longer could I pull this off? I knew some women who were three to four months pregnant who didn’t even show. That was my goal, until I figured out what to do. So I got up every morning just the same. I went to school, without anyone suspecting a thing. I looked cute, I was young and having fun. My boyfriend, who was already out of high school, didn’t see me as often as last year. So there was less suspicion on his part and on everyone else at school. He still loved me, which was the most important thing to me at this point. So I held onto that thought and continued on.

Tears sprung to my eyes. I knew I had to make a decision soon. But no matter what I chose to do, sooner or later someone was going to find out. This haunted me as my time drew nearer. I thought of the shame I would have to bear for nine whole months. It seemed like an eternity. Nine months of gossip. Nine months of ridicule. Nine months of enduring pain. Nine months of a thing growing inside me. I remember in school learning about how babies looked at an early stage. They were alien looking. I grew angry just thinking about it. How could this be happening? I did not want this!

I can hear voices outside my chamber. One voice is louder then the rest. Her voice is the sweetest sound I have ever heard. But She is always sad. I feel what She feels. She calls me “Thing”. I do not like the sound of that. There is more to me then She knows. If She could hear me I would tell Her that I love Her. If only She would listen…

I am five months pregnant now and my stomach has become hard. The curve is undeniable. I started to panic. I began craving weird foods and felt hungry all the time. I had gained a lot of weight and on top of that was very sick. I took time off from school but I knew that this wouldn’t be enough. Everyone was starting to notice a change in me. I tried telling my parents, but whenever I took time to speak to them I choked up. It would be easier to not have this thing. I went to a clinic to have my condition evaluated. I was given a packet of information to take home. The procedure was normal enough. After all, people had these everyday. It seemed worth it. I wanted this all to go away and here was my answer. Even if people at school believed the rumors, what was the worst that could happen? I wouldn’t be getting any bigger. And on top of this, my parents would never have to know. I had decided. I went in, signed the paper work, and waited.

(to be continued...)

After creating a blog entirely dedicated to the promotion of my writings, I realized that this required me to go through my many saved documents. I spent the remainder of the day going through my folders and regretted that I did not inherit my mother’s talent of organizing. ;-) Most likely my entries will be very sporadic until I can come up with a better system.

This first essay is called “The Search for Truth”; it is one of my more recent essays. I decided to write this after someone told me: “well that may be true for you, but I don’t agree...” This is the most common rejection of the Gospel I hear after sharing my testimony. Professors and classmates alike have confronted me on this issue of believe in absolute truth. They feel I am being intolerant by saying that something is “morally wrong”. If ever I got the chance to submit an essay to a Professor, regardless of the malicious grade he would give me, I would send him this….

The Search for Truth

Truth has become a versatile word. The definition of what is honestly true and right is no longer believed to be an absolute. Anything can be defined by one’s own cultural perspective. Truth has been altered to the point that the assumption of relativity has consumed the idea whole. What is right or wrong is left up to the individual and what they believe.

What is truth? It is a simple question in of itself; but most likely when asked to a broader group of individuals, a hundred answers could and would be shared. The first principles of knowledge all have a starting point. In order to find the knowability of truth we must examine the first principles of a how truth is defined. Truth is separated into two categories: Metaphysical and Subjective.

Metaphysical truth corresponds with reality. So what we see, what we know to be true, must coexist with reality. Reality being defined as: “what is” or “what exists”. The Greek philosopher Aristotle said: "“If there is a man, the statement whereby we say that there is a man is true.” Aristotle argued that truth relies on the actual existence of the thing which a thought or statement is about." (i)

Subjective truth is when truth and reality are determined by the individual. Reality is a broad term in this case since it is not necessarily what surrounds the individual, but what he/she in visions to be real. Thomas Aquinas asserts that “truth is defined by the conformity of intellect and thing; and hence to know this conformity is to know truth.” (ii) If truth does not correspond to reality then what is false or what is true makes no difference. The sky is blue. This is a fact. Although someone might define the sky differently by color such as aqua or sapphire, they are attempting to describe the same reality: the sky is blue. But if someone else claims the sky is red than that person is questioning the truthfulness and reality of the fact that: the sky is blue. The sky has to be either blue or red it cannot be both. Truth must be applied to reality or else all that we know is lost.

The theory of relativism states that truth cannot be defined by one standard. It may be determined by circumstance. A fact or something that can be shown to be true is dependent on how truth is defined. If it is reliant upon circumstance then anything could be true, for example: to believe in relative truth would be to agree that there is no difference between Nazis and Christians. Hitler and Jesus are both right in the eyes of relative truth.

Truth must be absolute or it will contradict itself. We cannot allow the idea of relativity to lead us into accepting any and every belief. Right and wrong must be classified as two very different things. It cannot be one or the other. Truth cannot survive in a world where right and wrong do not exist. “If you see through everything, than everything is transparent. But a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To ‘see through’ all things is the same as not to see.” (iii)

(i)The New Evidence That Demands A Verdict (Aristotle, C, 12, 14b15-22)
(ii)The New Evidence That Demands A Verdict (Aquinas, St, 1.16.2)
(iii)C.S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man